The Other You
by Pandaleski
Summary: Light regrets killing L. Now he's bored and tired of being Kira. In comes Near. LightxLxNear. Alternate Timeline.


I'm on an uploading roll today XD This is my favorite out of my old one-shots. I'm actually not ashamed of this one XD I've also edited this for spelling mistakes but none of the original content has been changed. This is second person so it's Light's POV and he's talking to L :3 Um...but I think you can see that pretty clearly. There are a lot of differences...just in details, from the manga/anime because there were lots of things I couldn't remember so I just went with it annnnnd so I'm going to label this as AT.

Oh and I'll mention this pretty quick too. This has been moved from my other account onto this one so I have not plagiarized it. I did write this so please don't tell me I didn't :3 Thank you!

_Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note._

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><p><strong>The Other You<strong>

It wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this. You shouldn't have tested out that stupid rule. I shouldn't have invented that stupid rule. How ironic. Now you're dead. Like I wanted from the very beginning. Right?

Regret, guilt, shame. Pain. It shouldn't have happened like this.

One year, two years, three years went by. Nothing. Life went by as if you'd never existed at all. I continued to be Kira, and as was my duty, I killed. Criminal after criminal after criminal.

You would have been proud of how far I've gotten, even if you never approved of my methods. We're still looking for Kira. For me. The others are idiots, how foolish of them to trust the previous prime suspect of the case, huh, L? I never did find out your real name. Rem never told me. Pity. I bet it was pretty. Like you. Oh, how cheesy and cliché am I?

So what to do now? Another year; another boring year without you. Nothing ever happens, L. We're getting nowhere closer in this case. Just observing, noting down; the same insufferable daily activities repeated over and over…

I'm tired. I'm tired of me, Light Yagami. I'm tired of Kira. Of the criminals. Of the "good". I'm beginning to think you're right. You told me no one's really good, that we all have vices and that we conceal them for society, for society's standards. You weren't the norm though. You were good, in a completely selfish and childish way, but you were good. My vice perhaps. Never mind…

We're nearing the third year now. I'm tired. Tired still. Restless too. Things were more fun with you challenging and annoying me. The annoying kink in my neck. That's you, L. It's been almost four years since you died. I don't come see you. I can't. Maybe it's the paranoia kicking in, but I can't risk being suspected again because of you. Perhaps you would like that? But, then what purpose would your death have had? You didn't die in vain, or so I keep telling myself. You know, I'm no longer Kira. Not the Kira I used to be anyway. I do it for you. I'm a different Kira because of you. I don't know if that's true, but I like to believe it. Kira and L; the ultimate justice. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? No? I suppose it doesn't then.

I got a call today. I have to tell you, L, it scared me half to death. I thought you'd risen from the grave. We were in the office, the one we've made our HQ since you died, and the phone rang. I picked it up, not really expecting anything, but mostly shocked because most people don't call this line, but, nevertheless.

The voice, that is what got me; it was you. I'm sure of it. You were taking to me. You said that you were the _real_ L and that I was a fake. I couldn't believe it. I was in total turmoil; anxious and excited. How much I had to tell you! Only it wasn't you. The voice was different somehow. It had that unique imprint your voice seemed to always bear, but the distinction was obvious. This voice held maturity and gravity. There was nothing playful about it. It wasn't you, and yet it was. I wanted to believe it was you so bad, but I knew it was too good to be true. The moment had passed; you were gone.

The voice proceeded to inform me of who it was. It said it was L. The real L. But, you had died, so I took it to be symbolic. Of which, of course, it was. It said its name was N. Near. It said it was your successor. I was speechless. I tell you, L, I haven't been in that state since that fateful day that you died! It was absolutely exhilarating! The anxiety! The shock! The confusion! How absolutely thrilling to feel these things again! Of course you would handpick someone to succeed you. How foolish of me not to assume that. Even in the grave, you're one step ahead of me. It was just…well, I always pictured you as one of a kind. Ryuuzaki, L. Whoever you were. The enigma. The beautiful, enigmatic detective. Now I realize. Perhaps there's more to you. Perhaps there's more of you out there, I wonder, how much of you is in Near?

For once I'm not tired. I feel refreshed, excited, enthusiastic about the day. I can't wait to begin this new investigation with Near. You'd think I was insane; trying to get caught, is what you'd think. Perhaps that's true. Or maybe being Kira isn't the same without someone challenging you. Threatening. Disabling your every move. Perhaps Kira is not the same without the game.

Near calls at noon. His voice is thrilling, chilling, and nerve wracking. Just like yours. I find myself wondering what he looks like. Does he share your enthusiasm for all things sweet? Are his eyes as dull as yours? Are they petrifying? Do they coerce others into that nervous state of fidgeting, that so many _average_ humans take up when they can't control their emotions? I wonder what he'd say to me if we met face to face. Would he tell me I'm Kira? Yes. He has that straight forwardness about him. I wonder, did you teach him that? I have so many questions for him, L. I can hardly contain my excitement. As he speaks, my thoughts drift to your lips. That thumb…sucking…lips enveloping cake, sucking on your thumb, unaware of my lustful gaze. My want. Oh, L. It was wrong of me to wish you dead. I know that now. I needed you. Kira needed you. But, that regret is in the past. Near has filled the void, L. I no longer feel empty. I no longer feel that devastating contentment that seemed to drag me into an everlasting abyss of despair. The abyss that you left. Near is here, and I will make sure he stays.

I learned something about Near today. He isn't like you. He is cautious; he doesn't take risks. I found that out today. The mafia had kidnapped someone. Someone important. I forget whom. It doesn't matter; he died anyway. They wanted the Notebook. The Death Note. The same one you were killed with. I suppose I could take a peek inside and find out your real name. But, I don't. You wouldn't have wanted it. But, that is beside the point. The mafia killed a man. I didn't care and neither did he. But, they wanted the Note. He was reluctant to give it to them. Near didn't want us to bring it at all. But we did. My Dad, more precisely. Near told me he knew who the culprit was. That he knew him. I didn't listen much as he explained. This person had gotten hold of my sister. It was a twisted, morbid coincidence. They meant business. So much we knew. They wanted the Notebook. If they wanted it, they could have it. That was our reasoning.

Near didn't exactly support us, but I think he understood. After all, he knew this _monster_ and it was likely he would kill Sayu. My Dad made the exchange.

There was a rocket involved. We had Sayu. And Dad. But the Notebook was gone. The mafia had it now.

We later heard that they had tested it out. Near told us that. He knew first hand. He witnessed the death of his colleagues. His employers. His team. Almost all of the SPK had been eliminated. And it wasn't even Kira who had done it. Imagine that, L! It was the person Near had known. The person that had the Death Note. His name was Mello and he had tried to kill Near.

I imagined him, covered in blood, as you would have been. Frightened, and regressed into a childlike state. I picture the fear in his eyes. I know that look, because you only got scared once. And that was when the possibility of Shinigami existing was brought to light. You were so scared you fell out of your chair. I will never forget that. Even when people died, you never lost your composure. I envy you that. But, I don't know what Near looks like, so I picture you. Black locks soaked in blood, dripping slowly onto your white, clean shirt, creating a devastating image symbolic of your death. Only there was no blood in your case.

He sounded determined to me, as we spoke. A small glint of anger inflected in his tone. He seemed convinced it was me. So he finally admits he thinks I'm Kira. Yes, I agree it's obvious, but this time it wasn't me. It really wasn't. He doesn't believe me. I assure him I don't know the names or faces of his people. For, surely one must have that information to kill using the Death Note? He seems dubious at first, but checks up on it. He says it's Mello, but doesn't apologize. He doesn't have to. After all, L would never apologize, would he?

I'm scared when I find someone to do my bidding. He's an excellent person for the job, no doubt. But, I'm paranoid. His name is Teru Mikami and he says I'm his God. He says I am God and that scares me. Why is that? Is it him, or am I finally regretting things? These things that I've done. What would you say if you knew this? You are Kira, you would say. The memory makes me laugh.

Mikami kills for Kira now. He is neat, precise, and loyal. He has chosen a spokesperson for me. Her name is Kiyomi Takada and she's a newscaster. This alarms me because it's too damn coincidental. You would scrutinize this little information to death, because she is no other than my ex-girlfriend.

Near says I should meet with her, discuss Kira. Of course it will be recorded, but it doesn't matter, the idiots on my team fail to think of the idea to film it, which they also forget to tell Near, so when we meet, we fleetingly pass notes to each other. I seduce her, use her, and tell her I love her. She's an idiot. Why do these moronic women always believe me, Ryuuzaki? I tell her what to say to Mikami and then I convince her to do everything I say. She's an idiot. I wish there was a woman out there like you. I love you. I love you in the most pansexual way, but I could never say it. I'm making up for it now, I hope. But, please! Don't think that I don't love your physique, because I do. I did. Fuck, I don't even know what tense to use. I feel as if I speak to you every day now that Near is here. It's confusing. You confuse me. God, I miss you.

Near raises the suspicion that I'm Kira again. My team has mixed feelings toward this. They don't want to believe it. They look up to me; they can't love and hate a killer, a monster, at the same time. I know they are reluctant to believe it, but you came to the same conclusion as Near, and thus they feel they can't ignore it. They open themselves up to the idea. Good on them, I say.

I was prepared for this, thus Mikami and Takada. These idiots suspect me, but like you, they can't prove it. I hope you're smiling; this really is reminiscent of the good old days, isn't it? God, I miss that.

I want to meet him, L, I really do. He's absolutely intoxicating. His every move sends chills up my spine and I've never been this intimidated before, not since that day you told me you were L. I looked up this "Wammy's House" where he's apparently from. Turns out it's where you grew up too. I'm tempted to visit it just for that reason, but I guess it won't do me any good. It won't have any trace of your scent or person. It will be as anonymous and mysterious as the speaking blank laptop screen with your initial on it. That I'm sure of. Apparently, Near and Mello are orphans. Like you. A whole house filled with candidates for L. You're so sneaky, I'm shocked I didn't know this. I learn more and more things about you as the days pass now that you're dead. What other surprises do you have in store for me, L?

I find a picture of Near, or rather, a drawing. There are no pictures. He is young in the drawing. Beautiful, like you. I wonder if that is a prerequisite for becoming L. His hair is short and it frames his delicate face. I'm almost surprised to find that his eyes are more or less identical to yours. Almost. His gaze is intense, like your own. But, drawings never do reality justice, so I'll be forced to meet him in person if I ever wish to see the extent of that intensity of those eyes for myself. I shudder at the thought. The detectives all look at me at my action.

"Creepy." I mutter.

It's not true. He's the most beautiful human being I have ever laid eyes on. Apart from you that is. I can't avert my eyes. But, I do, for a second. There is another boy. Mello. The one that had my sister. The one that has the Death Note. Yes, I haven't forgotten about that. Did you really think I'd leave that information out? No, I can't lie to you. Not anymore. I'll tell you every little thing now. There is nothing to hide. You won't deceive me anymore, I know it. But, back to Mello. He is effeminate. Very. He has a straight cut that frames his face and makes him look female. He is blonde. I did not expect him to look like this. Looks can be deceiving, though. I should know that. There are no real names given, as expected, so I cannot kill them. Aliases. I cannot kill Mello and I will not kill Near. He is too much like you. I will not make the same mistake twice.

Through a miracle, we find his base. Dad has made the Shinigami eye deal, and he enters the HQ, looking for Mello. Many are gunned down, and the place almost explodes before Dad finds him. There is a fire and he has Mello trapped. He gets the Death Note. He knows Mello's real name. He doesn't kill him. Then he's out of there and the building explodes. Mello may or may not be dead. Dad is in the hospital. He is dying. His wound is fatal. He has been shot. But, he won't write Mello's name in the Death Note. He says he cannot kill like Kira. He says it's wrong. He asks me if I could kill like Kira does and I say no, he's right, it's wrong. And then he's gone, and I swear to myself that I will kill Mihael Keehl.

Near tells me Mello is alive. He's had contact with him. I hate Mello with a passion. I hate that my Dad wouldn't kill him. I hate that he's alive, and I hate that he knows Near. He's seen him and I haven't. I think it's jealousy, but I don't know that emotion, so it can't be.

Near tells me he wants to meet. He's planning something, I know, but I don't care. I want to see the face of the mysterious N. I want to feel that eerie presence that only you can produce again. I know Near is like you, but I just want to find out by myself. I do the normal, "But what if I'm Kira?" routine. He says very well, I will take my chances. So we have a date. I don't know when and where, but he will tell me. Eventually.

There is an incidence on the TV. Smoke bomb as decoy. Takada is kidnapped. Near says it's not him. He confirms my suspicions when he says that it's Mello. Yes, Mello. You have only been one kink in the neck since I first found out about you. Much like you, L. There is an incidence in town and someone is cornered and shot. Twenty-four bullet wounds. The connection is still there as we watch the proceedings. Near, from the SPK HQ, and I, from ours. He sighs, and I suspect he knows him, but I don't say anything. He speaks anyway.

"Matt." He says. There is no further explanation.

I find Matt's picture from Wammy's House. He was a candidate for your position. I sigh. Death just finds you guys, doesn't it? Or is it me that always finds you, L?

I get a call from Takada. I speak in code so she will understand. The bidding of Kira is made obvious and she cries. Says she's scared. I say I will help her.

Mihael Keehl.

He is dead. The rundown church is burning, and she's dead. I smile. Two in one.

Near contacts me again and says he hopes this will not deter me from our set meeting. I say no, and he informs me of the warehouse that he's bought. We will meet there, and that will be the end of the Kira case, he says.

Three days cannot pass soon enough. I'm getting impatient. There is nothing for me to do and I find myself thinking of you again. Are you thinking of me where you are? Are you bitter that I beat you? Are you mad I mocked and stomped on your grave on the day of your funeral? Do you resent me? I don't blame you if you do. I really am sorry for hurting you.

I miss you, you know. It's not the same without you. Near is an adequate replacement, but he's no you. I wish you were here. I would concede. Tell you I'm Kira. I don't care anymore. Well, that's not true, really. I probably wouldn't tell you I'm Kira. I would tell you I'd confess just so you'd come down here and we could be together again. My biggest regret is that I never got to tell you. I love you, L. I always will. Near may be better than all the rest, but there is only one L, one Ryuuzaki.

I'm going to meet him soon, you know. I'll finally be able to see what he looks like. From the photo I can deduce that he isn't a brunette like yourself. He is blonde, or near white haired. I'm far from the norm, but his hair is spectacular. I wouldn't be surprised if he was an albino. He isn't Japanese, and that intrigues me further. You were part Japanese, I know. It's odd knowing these things, little details that don't matter. Things that don't effect the eventual outcome.

In addition to you, I think of him. He is the only Wammy's child left, I think. Of course there's more, but these were the top candidates, I heard. Two of them are dead. I suppose I killed them, even if it was indirectly. I didn't personally write down their names. But, I guess that doesn't matter to you. Why am I still so obsessed about you after all these years? I should be thinking about Near. He is alive. He is the closest I will ever get to having you in my arms or even having another challenging conversation again. So why can't I forget you? You're an enigma, you know. Near is easier to read. I haven't known him long and I've never seen him, so I can't tell if I'm 100% accurate, but I'd like to think I can read people. He is a lesser you.

I'm sure you've met with him. Maybe you taught him things, educated him on the art of L. Am I right in making this assumption? I wonder if you were friends. You said I was your first friend, but you were lying. You never had any friends at all, did you? You're like me in that sense. Even if you didn't suspect me of being Kira, you wouldn't have called me your friend. Would you ever consider kissing me? I guess you wouldn't. The best shot I would have had is if I dug up your corpse and attempted anything then. I better not tell Near that. He might get the wrong idea.

The day finally arrives and I'm nervous, more nervous than I've ever been. I feel as if I'm meeting a God. It's surreal. Except that I know a God. I see myself as one, and I have a Death God accomplice. To an extent at least. He claims he's not on my side, but he's partial to the entertainment I give him, and I consider him as a pet, feeding him apples, and he seems to favor me above any other human, so I'd say he's partial to me. Remember that, Ryuuzaki? "Do you know that Shinigami love apples?" You know now.

It's time. We're at the warehouse. It's midday and the sky is overcast. It's gray and the surroundings of this warehouse he's bought does nothing to improve that fact. I have things planned for the day, and so I say. But, I've been waiting eagerly for today. I have nothing else planned. I'm only waiting for this all to be over so I can set my plan in motion. I'm so excited to see him. A beautiful replica of yourself, to the extent that that is possible. My plan is simple. One that you would have difficulty understanding due to its lack of complexity. I want to make Near mine, as I'm sure you've deduced. But, I don't plan on abducting him. I suppose the only plan I have is to speak to him. Perhaps he will feel the same. Perhaps he will realize what you never did, L, and come to accept it. I hope he does. He may very well reject it too. Then what? Well, we're running out of time here and I can't continue to speculate with you. I suppose we should go inside.

We enter.

It's dark. Empty. Depressing. There you all are. One girl and a few guys, and then…_there_. That must be him on the floor. I see he has some kinks of his own. He's dressed in all white; pajamas by the looks of it, and he's wearing a mask, disguising his snow-white hair. He is crouched in a similar fashion to the position you used to adapt, and he's twirling a strand of that silky white hair. He oozes nothing of your grace, and I suppose I won't know the full extent of his eeriness until I see his face. He finally tilts his head upward and I am disgusted. He is wearing a mask of you. A parody of your beautiful face. Disrespecting the entire phenomena known as L, and I feel repulsed. I feel now that he is nothing more than a fraud and a coward. A maggot dressed in skin resembling you to a 'T' as he fears I am Kira and will eliminate him. He knows I am Kira and refuses to show his face. It is a mockery. Of you. Of me. I hear Matsuda or someone say something about the mask. I don't listen. Yu are nothing like L, Near. Those are my thoughts. I'm almost ashamed of myself for finding myself so interested in him.

Then he removes it. The mask. His face is as pearly white as his hair. His eyes are yours exactly. I wonder if you're related. But, there is a difference. There is something smug in his gaze, something all knowing, omniscient that scares me. He knows something, and it freaks me out. He smiles. Then explains. Explains that no one will die and that Kira will be revealed. He explains how the third Kira will come to write down all our names and the one who is Kira will not have their name written down. I almost feel bad for him. How wrong he is. He really has no idea. I don't feel like gloating for myself, but I do so for you, L. How you would revel in this, someone so unworthy of your title, trying to reveal me. It's almost embarrassing, but I play along. Minutes pass, and to every one else but me, it feels like hours. To me, it's seconds. I look at Near. Perhaps I was wrong in labeling his as a disgrace. He is no you, but he's magnificent in his own way. He is amazing. He reminds me of you, but is nowhere near you in either presence or intelligence. He is mature, as I gathered from our conversations, and he has his quirks as you had yours, but they are far more normal than you would assume. But, you know that already, don't you?

He invites Mikami inside. I realize I have spoken to Mikami and Near is close to point this out. He says the third Kira responded familiarly with me. I sigh. It shouldn't be long now. He has written down all the names now, I'm sure. What Near doesn't know is that I told Mikami to spare him. I have told you already that I do not wish to see him dead. I'm quite smitten with him, if I can say so freely. He's the only thing I have left of you and I don't want to let that go. Mikami counts down the seconds. Twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven…it goes down and down. I wish the seconds would go faster; I just want to talk to Near.

More seconds pass, and Near stares at me. He doesn't even blink. I wonder if it's a Wammy trait. You seemed to never do so either. We're down to nine now. Eight, seven, six, five, the seconds go down slower and slower. I feel the anxious gasps from behind me and I am eerily calm. I can barely contain my laughter. Pathetic idiots.

Four, three, two, and one. Time stands still. Near stares at me and I laugh. Maniacally. I say that I've won. That I beat you, Near, I say. But, nothing happens. One, two, three seconds go by, but everyone is still alive. Mikami stares at me in shock.

Near takes out a notebook from his pajamas. He says it's the real Notebook. I don't want to believe it and I don't, at first. He explains how Gevanni has replaced everything. Done everything I could've thought of, and how I did a superb job at everything, but…Mikami. Mikami panicked. He used the Notebook when I explicitly told him not to.

"You are Kira." He says.

He is right, of course. And I have nowhere to run. I laugh at the hysterical scenario playing out before me. It feels like a dream. I suppose you're avenged now, huh, L? So you did spite me, despite everything. I suppose I underestimated Near. Seems he wasn't the idiot I thought he was. Maybe he is worthy of your title after all. Are you laughing? I hope this amuses you. It sure as hell amuses me. As I stare at Mikami, wide eyed, Near looks into the Notebook Mikami has used and he frowns.

"You have omitted my name." he says.

He's adamant it's my last resort. Why wouldn't I want him dead, is his reasoning. There could be no other explanation. I suppose he's just as clueless as you were. Or perhaps, where you were naïve, he is just clueless. But, I won't tell him. No way, will I tell him that I refused to kill him because of you. No way will I betray you. Not ever again.

I tell him I am Kira. They all gasp. All of my team. But, not Near. He is severely confused at my little omission. He knows I've done it on purpose. Good. Good to see one of you confused. I miss your confused face, Ryuuzaki. How beautiful you were. So delightful to see you use your thumb as an additional thinking mechanism. As if it helped you. Will Near kill me, I wonder. There is no passion in his eyes. Not like in yours or mine. Not when he looks at me. Not when he's clearly won. But, he feels nevertheless. And now he's confused. He wants answers.

"We know you are Kira, so where is my name?" he asks calmly.

Is curiosity a Wammy trait? I admit, I would be curious to know Kira's intentions in his position, but why so serious? He has me. Is that not enough? His eyes demand an answer, like yours have done to me so many times. What should I tell him, L? That it was leverage? In case something went wrong? No. You wouldn't believe that and neither will he. He is waiting for my answer, L. should I tell him?

"Leverage." I say.

"You're lying, Light." He says to me, stone cold eyes boring into mine.

This really is different to _our_ first encounter, huh? The distance is different too. You were close. Too close for comfort. Near keeps his distance.

"Why do you say that, Near?" I ask with as much calm and feigned sincerity as I can, given the situation.

"You are planning something." He says, eyes never squinting, just staring, staring, staring at me. Eerily calm.

I don't know how you do it, L. I don't even know how I did it, back when we were enemies. How did I not break in front of your gaze? How did you train these lie detectors? A pair of mortal eyes shouldn't be able to bear that power. That's my opinion, anyway.

He can't know though, can he? There is no way he can deduce that I spared him for the reason I did. Well, I guess 'spared' isn't the right word, considering nobody actually died, but what else can I call it? I stare back at him, innocently and just as calmly as he is staring back at me. No one can tell my anxiety at his question. No one but him. His gaze is knowing. His gaze is smirking, taunting, and menacing. Does he know?

Our stare down, resembling something from an old Western, is ignored eventually by the rest of the detectives and agents in the warehouse. Their eyes lock on Mikami who is saying something to me. Of course I don't listen. He's pleading I presume. Near glances at him from the corner of his eye. Yes, Near, Mikami is pathetic. Couldn't have thought it better myself. He is handcuffed now. There is only me left. What will you do, Near?

I make a distraction. One I hope will buy me some time. Perhaps he will understand. I'm beginning to think that's my only option. I throw my head back, and laugh. Laugh, laugh, laugh like the devil. It's evil, sinister, creepy. All these things have been told about my laugh. Not my chuckle, not my giggle, but my laugh. You never got to see it. They all stare, agape, at my apparent psychosis, for lack of a better word. I can see his team members' faces contort in confusion, their bodies become more vigilant and extending their guns before them, afraid I really do have a Plan B. But, I don't. It's a ruse. Fake. Just like the Notebook Mikami wrote down all your names in. I laugh and Mikami stares. He too is confused. I would like to say that this makes him an idiot, one that I was sure he was from the very beginning, but it does not. It proves nothing of the kind. I am the idiot here. Either way, I suppose I will die here today.

I run over to a wall, slump down, sit, than stand up again, and lean on the wall. I suppose anything to instill confusion at this point would be preferable to whatever lies in store for me next. Is that really my only choice? Death or love? I guess my death is inevitable. Ryuk will take it, you know? And even if he were not to do so, execution would be my destiny. Near stares as I take out a piece of paper from the notebook that I have hidden in my watch. I start writing something on it with my own blood. Nate River. I never get to finish it. I never intended to.

I'm shot. Bullets enter my side, closely missing my vital organs. I fall and there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. I feel light headed. They stare, and then commence talking amongst themselves. I guess they think it's over. But Near knows better. His eyes never leave me. I lock my own eyes with him, and he stands up. He's short; didn't expect that. He starts walking. He approaches me slowly, as if he's in no rush, no rush at all. I suppose he isn't. But, then why would 'L' wait on Kira? I chuckle at the thought. I seem to chuckle at a lot of things lately. Never used to do that. He stops when he reaches the pool of blood encircling me. Doesn't want to stain his clothing. Doesn't want to mar his beauty. He stares at me still, it's almost a glare now. He is curious, too damn curious for his own good. He would never have gotten this close to me if he weren't. He wants to know why I omitted his name.

"It wasn't leverage." He says.

No one can hear him but me. The others are too preoccupied with containing Mikami's flailing. He has lost all dignity in the face of "justice". I suppose I have too.

"You're right." I smile.

Why am I telling him this? I'm dying. Do I want these to be my dying words?

"You spared me." he says. It's not a question. It never is a question with you people, is it? Especially not you, L.

"I suppose you want to know why." I say. I'm not looking at him now. My vision is starting to blur.

"Yes.

I sigh. "There's no point."

Because there isn't. I'm dying, and whatever thing or other I was going to tell Near is pointless. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Perhaps. But I'll find out anyway. Once you're gone."

He's right. His voice isn't smug anymore, not like it was when he presented the real Death Note. It's knowing. Maybe even…understanding…

Scratch that. Curious. That's all it is. And maybe just a little sad. Hell, I've never been one to interpret emotions. It's never been one of my stronger suits.

"Yeah." I sigh, "It's a shame, though. I never had the chance to…" my voice trails off.

To compare you. To talk to you, touch you, judge you, even hate you. Love you. That's what I wanted to say. But I was already gone. I'll leave him to interpret those words. He'll check up on it anyway. Perhaps he'll figure out what you never did. In the end it doesn't matter, I suppose. I'm never going to see you again, and it's my fault. I guess that's just life.

* * *

><p>Please review and tell me what you think. I'm actually proud of this which is a rarity! Pretty pwease? I'll love you forever~<p>

Matt


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